The Beckman Blog

My home is trashed. Again. Jonathan is in the kitchen taking forever to eat. Emma is in the bathroom, “brushing her teeth,” but then I’ve never known brushing teeth to involve things falling on the floor, so I suspect she’s doing more than that. And now I hear that she’s locked herself in the bathroom. I’d better go help with that . . .

Anyway – now the the older two are finally in bed – here are my confessions:

• –laundry is overtaking the laundry room (which currently cannot serve its bathroom purpose because of that),
• –the ironing has not been done beyond immediate Sunday needs for at least two months,
• –the kitchen floor could currently double as a bird feeding ground,
• –the papers on my desk have become an avalanche risk (as has the mound of clean, but waiting to be folded, clothes on the desk chair),
• –our closet and bedroom are dangerous to walk through because I am still not done with sorting through Kathryn’s clothes and putting away the ones she outgrew last month
• –my suitcase from my mid-December trip is still hanging out on our bathroom floor, though I actually have put away most everything from the trip – now it’s holding Kathryn’s outgrown clothes
• –I have countless other unfinished projects hanging around the corners of our home (like fully putting away the items purchased at the last shopping trip, now that I’m thinking about it)…

And Kathryn is now awake and crying. I think I got 5 minutes.

Having three children is challenging. Actually, having any children is challenging. :) Some days I feel up to the challenge. Today was not one of those days. It’s hard to find time to take care of even the most basic things right now. Or rather, it’s hard to make that time. Because when I try to focus on a project it seems I am continually interrupted. Or I finish it and feel great . . . until I realize that I was able to finish it because my older two were too busy quietly creating more havoc to stop me.

And hence is the problem. I’ve been a mother for over four and a half years now, yet I still haven’t learned to adjust my goal-setting to fit that role. Every night I determine to do better in the morning and make goals. Then I try to tackle those goals. The problem is that I forget to factor my children into those goals. I still default to my school mindset.

In school, I learned to focus — sometimes to the point of tunnel vision. That doesn’t work well as a mother. Because when I do that, I tend to tell Jonathan and Emma to go play while I clean, or I put on a movie “just for a little bit,” and I hope Kathryn goes to sleep . . . and I don’t interact with them as I should. And they don’t get the hands-on experience with work that they need.

My little ones need to learn to work. They need to have me show them. But I tend to want to do it myself and have them entertain themselves. And they are really good at that, as they then continue their work of devastation elsewhere. It’s a vicious cycle. It’s the proverbial “two steps forward and one step back,” only reversed. Which is why my home is usually trashed by the end of the day, and I end up feeling frazzled. Ironic how so much of the mess would be prevented if I didn’t set out to clean. And yet I am quick to forget this lesson.

Thanks for bearing with me there.

Quick update on the children:

Jonathan is now trying to be like his daddy. Last week, he asked what kind of tie Bryan was wearing so that he could wear one like it. Bryan was wearing a blue tie, and Jonathan doesn’t have one – so he chose his black tie and said, “I will call it a blue tie today.” And this week they both wore “Angel Moroni” ties. :) He’s also decided to be an early bird, like his daddy. Bryan is usually up around 5:30am. Jonathan has been joining him around 6am. One morning, while eating breakfast together, Jonathan noted, “The men are having breakfast and the girls are all sleeping.” He’s also gotten into the idea of making presents and is continuing with his love of drawing and make-believe.

Emma is becoming more and more independent. On the plus side, this means that she can now get herself a drink without spilling water all over the fridge (usually). Unfortunately, this also means that I’ve gotten a couple of “No, Mom”‘s when I’ve told her to do something. That usually ends in her being forced to do it or being put in time out. I still need to figure that one out better.

And Kathryn is continuing to grow and get cuter every day. She started having little coo conversations about a week ago, complete with beautiful wide-mouthed grins (usually between 9-10pm). She’s still generally happy and content, though she may be teething now (lots of drool and bouts of very sad, “I’m in pain” crying).

Some cute pictures:

Some videos:

Oh, and cute prayer experience:

Jonathan, saying our family prayer: “And thank thee for Daddy to be safe on the bus to school. And we thank thee for everyone . . . except Daddy . . . to be safe on the bus to school . . .”

I hope to get a Christmas post up sometime soon. We’ll see when that happens. :)

(Note: as I finished this post, Bryan came home from his meeting and set to cleaning the kitchen. He’s wonderful. I’m lucky.) :)